Arriving in Cancun and the Official Attire for Spring Break 2013

I was under the impression that proper Spring Break…MTV style, Jersey Shore fist pumping, 19 year old spring chugging through funnels spring break wasn’t until March.  Ugh…I was wrong.But let’s back up just a wee bit…I needed to make my way back to San Pedro and, as usual, the cheapest way by far (over $400usd cheaper) was through Cancun.   United Airlines had a good article in their inflight magazine exploring the more “off the beaten path” Belize…no San Pedro or Caye Caulker, they focused on Robert’s Grove in Placencia and the mainland.   Mostly I think they were trying to say “Welcome back Rebecca”.

We landed in Cancun Airport PACKED with people on Presidents’ Day break and headed over to the hotel.   The line just for customs was hundreds and hundreds of people.

They charge something ridiculous for taxi service ($60USD) so we took the still overpriced shuttle service ($16USD per person).

Two nights at the Krystal Hotels (cheapest on the beach at $129US per night) and in the heart of Cancun night club madness.  Somehow I got a picture of an almost empty and vomit free lobby.

We side stepped the “welcome crew” whose job was to sell us a time share and/or tours and headed up to the room in an elevator filled with drunken high school and college students.  Though only in the mid-70s with a very chilly wind, the view wasn’t bad.

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If your 2013 Spring Break has not started yet and you want to make the correct impression through wardrobe and gear, here are a few tips that I have for you.  No need to thank me.

1.  Fluorescent clothing.  Critical.  Look like you are ironically nodding to the 80s (many years before your birth)…but you are way over doing it.  Off the shoulder t-shirts, florescent trucker hats, long feathered earrings, Sonny & Cher style headbands.   Don’t be shy.

You are NOTHING without your hot pink/yellow/green Ray-Bans.  You might as well just stay home.

2.  Wear matching tank tops with all of your friends.  With “I’m in Cancun Bitch” in florescent colors on a black background, you cannot go wrong.

3.  Girls…bikinis-only are appropriate wear for most situations.  At the beach, at the hotel bar, in the elevators, on the street.   For more dressy situations, wear your finest jewelry to jazz your look up a bit.  The more ornate, the better.

4.  Giant travel mugs that say loud and clear “I’m a professional drinker”.  Why drink just a plastic 12 oz cup of the all-inclusive’s Modelo on tap when you can keep it cool in your 128-oz jug?

5.   Anything that gets you tons of attention.  For girls, may I suggest going braless under your pornographically low cut, paper thin tank top.  Guys…don’t be so subtle!  Giant sombreros, Mexican wrestling masks, rubber horse head masks (we saw all three) say “Look at me.  I’m super fun!”

6.  For those on a budget, I have a few options.   Accessorize with an idiot burn (beet red feet or a burn unit ready strip around your armpit works beautifully), lots of bruises on your thighs and/or lastly, a classic…hickies, tons and tons of love bites.  All easy to acquire and will make you one of the gang.

Easy.  Have fun and be safe!